I’ve written before about patterns of thought that stand in people’s way as they consider whether to give up addictive substances. There are ways of looking at the problem that stand in your way, but below are some patterns of thought that I have actually found very helpful as I moved from addiction into sober life. 

1. You’ve experienced everything addiction has to offer you. You don’t know what sober life has to offer you. This was a big one for me. Whether it was alcohol, carbs, smoking, you name it, I had explored every aspect of those experiences. Interestingly, looking back on them now, they were very monochromatic. With a handful of exceptions, my experiences in getting loaded were devoid of nuance, painted only in the broad strokes of what being drunk feels like. In a lot of ways, every day was the same. In recovery, life feels infinitely varied and textured. In addiction, the only thing growing was my addiction. Now, every day brings a fascinating combination of experiences, and I can see myself growing and changing from month to month and year to year. I am not the same person now that I was in early sobriety, and it’s been fascinating to think about how I’ve evolved. I didn’t know what sober life had in store for me, but I had to get sober to find out.
2. “It’s easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than think yourself into a new way of acting.” – The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. A lot is written about the feedback loop between actual behavior, and how we think about our behavior. As an addict, your diseased mind wants you to act in the ways that have kept it satisfied for a long time, and what you feel like doing will frequently not be in alignment with the goals you set for yourself in the clear light of day. In AA, it’s called “acting as if” – even if you don’t feel like you can be sober, you act like a person who doesn’t drink by not picking up a drink. You repeatedly “do the next right thing,” regardless of if you feel like it or not. And the doing of the next right thing, as your brain chemistry straightens out (eventually), gives you that little hit of dopamine you used to get from a drink. Soon you’re hooked on doing good deeds. Strung out on accomplishment. Mainlining helpfulness. 
3. There is no problem actually made better by drugs and alcohol. Every time something awful happens, I always want to smoke. The cat died, and there is nothing I can do to feel better about it, so I want a comforting behavior. I had one problem (dead cat), and now I have two problems (cat still dead, and now I’m smoking again). I have to cope with the one, and I’ll have to solve the other sooner or later (hopefully sooner). Dan has this fabulous and hilarious trick he uses when he’s tempted to “solve” a problem with an addictive behavior that won’t actually solve the problem. He says, imagine you’re “solving” the problem with an addiction you don’t have – “You know what will make me feel better about being late for that work meeting? Sex with anonymous strangers.” “You know what will make me feel better about that fight with my spouse? Blowing my paycheck at video poker.” It lays bare the absurdity of thinking a drink or a cigarette or carbs or whatever your poison is will provide any help but a fleeting, and ultimately defeating, distraction. 

There is wisdom in AA circles to the effect that getting sober is just Phase 1. You have to learn, all over again from scratch, how to live a good life. Learning how to live with the ups and downs of daily life without easy coping mechanisms that have worked for years, sometimes decades, is a lifelong project that is never really finished. A lot of times I learn something new, and what it teaches me is how much I have left to learn. If you have found yourself mired in thoughts that feel defeating, try some of these on and see if it helps you get excited about sober life. Millions of drinkers are telling you drinking is great – don’t listen to them; they’re drunk. Millions of recovering addicts are telling you life without addiction is way better than life as an addict – trust us, we’ve seen both.