Our attention is all we have. You’ve maybe heard, “Time is all we have.” That’s not exactly right. I’ve spent plenty of time doing something and paid zero actual attention to it – watching TV, petting the cat, spending time with family – and had it pass by without me truly noticing it. It’s right there in the label if we apply it: “Mindlessly scrolling through Facebook.” “Watching mindless TV.” We are not bringing our minds to the activity, not devoting our full attention to it. Maybe it’s in an effort to empty our minds. Maybe we are stewing on other problems while we’re doing something we’re supposed to enjoy. Whatever form it takes, I have spent plenty of time with my mind totally somewhere else rather than focused on what’s in front of me.

Mindfulness training teaches you that your brain delivers a relentless pull away from the present, and into thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts seem benign. Your daughter is trying to show you her Lego creation, and you’re nodding and smiling and waiting for when you can turn your attention back to your Instagram notifications. Sometimes we are supposed to be focused on the issue under discussion in our work meeting, but inside we are still raging about the previous night’s argument with a partner about who’s responsible for the dishes. Sometimes we are supposed to be opening Christmas presents with an elderly grandparent who may be having their last holiday, and instead we’re wondering when this will end so we can step out for a smoke. The undertow of thoughts is persistent, and it takes practice to notice when your mind has gone somewhere other than where you are. 

I’ve been around a few iterations of my brain, and I can say for sure that the addicted brain is the most mindless kind of brain there is. I haven’t even seen the worst drug addiction has to offer, but I know that alcohol and cigarettes were constantly trying to distract me from anything that wasn’t contributing immediately to me having access to a drink or a smoke. With getting my next fix as the constant object of my attention, I lost access to thousands of experiences I’ll never get back. 

Does the ability to manage your attention start with meditation, or getting out from under addiction? In my limited experience, it’s hard to say – I started doing both together. Messed up my experiment with too many uncontrolled variables. But mindfulness meditation taught me how my brain was behaving, and understanding that helped me to do something different with my mind. It taught me actual skills for paying attention to the present moment – with the senses, with stillness, with gratitude for every breath. It’s still teaching me, and I think it always will.  

And now when I pay attention to an experience with everything I have, it’s astonishing how much there is to appreciate. When I look closer, petting the cat is worth all the attention I can give it. The cat loves it, I love it, and I’m filled with love and appreciation instead of regret over time lost. I’ll look back on years of wasted time in mindless addiction, but the two years I’ve spent completely paying attention mean that the past two years have been more meaningful than the previous 43. 

And you know what? Those times when the good things get your full attention? They feel infinite, like they lasted for days and weeks instead of minutes. The time you spend expands with your attention, and contracts when you take it away. You literally have the ability to control time itself with your attention. No, seriously, you do. Time is nothing without your attention, and when you direct your attention in meaningful ways, even time itself is no object. It is a world without limits. 

And you know how people always mourn about how their 20s and 30s went by in a flash? Mine did too. When I stopped paying attention to TV, and drinking, and other things that made time go by faster, my sense that my life was flying by went away too. I feel like I’ve gotten more living out of the last couple of years as I’ve learned to control my attention, like I have some control over the passage of the years. So it works on the scale of years and decades like it does on the scales of minutes, hours, and days.

Attention is quite a superpower. Your attention can be wrapped up in thoughts of catastrophe, or the overwhelming peace of nothing bad actually happening. It zooms in and out, and can land on the tiniest bits of fur or the vast reaches of outer space. And, great news, you can literally start manipulating it today. Just the fact of knowing that you can aim your attention somewhere gets you started. Then with 5 and 10 minutes of regular mindfulness practice, you get better at directing that attention over time – amazing! Keep up the effort, and eventually, your attention is on things that matter, most of the time, if that’s what you want. And I guarantee you, that is what you want.