I’m an ambitious person. I am also someone who’s always done work for the satisfaction of a job well done. This has been the case in virtually every job I’ve ever done, from menial to professional. I have always found intrinsic, zen satisfaction in getting all the parts exactly right, over and over again, with the only reward being a consistent paycheck (however small), and the sense of self-worth that comes with accomplishing good work. 

I also like when people recognize my good work. I do good work because I can see myself that it is good work, and this satisfies me. But I cannot lie – I also like when other people tell me it’s good work. And now we’re in the realm of the Anti-Zen.

I have a job that I enjoy deeply. I like the component parts of getting my work done. I adore the people I work with, and feel so fortunate to be on a team of committed, intelligent, and very kind professionals. Even the huge sh!tty problems that sometimes come with my work are the kinds of problems I want to have – I don’t feel oppressed by them or victimized, and I can usually get my head on straight about solving these problems. I love the big things about my work, and the little things. I’ve even written a bit (The Addiction that Pays You) wondering if I’m a workaholic (although I have so much joy in my down time that I’ve concluded that I’ve actually got a reasonably healthy, if enthusiastic, relationship with work instead of an addiction). I am very lucky to love my work so much.

But I did reach an unfortunate point last year when I felt I should have been considered a long time ago for a promotion. I watched similarly (and wonderfully) accomplished people get promoted around me, while I did not. In my view, it was management’s inattention to my professional development that stood in the way of getting that promotion. Over and over, management left my career to languish. And it made me start to resent this job that I love with my whole heart. If my good work was not going to be recognized, what was the point?

The only way out that I could see was to zen it up. The job wasn’t the problem, my ambitions were the problem. The desire for more was causing my suffering. So I resolved to return to doing the work for its own sake, and abandoned the hope that my job could be more. Honestly, I was still bitter at being overlooked. But at least I was again doing the work joyfully. Letting go of the desire also allowed me to let go of the suffering.   

The answer was to pursue excellence because the work deserved it, and let go of the outcome. The answer was to appreciate all that the work offered me – hours of happy flow, a handsome paycheck for writing for a living, a million enjoyable tasks, the delightful people around me – and stop focusing on what it wasn’t giving me. In calling to mind everything the present moment of my work offered to me, my mind was full of the pleasure my work offers me. Mind. Full. Bam. 

I would have gone on that way for some time, probably happy enough except for fleeting moments of disappointment, and, well, probably increasing resentment about my languishing professional development. But this story has a happy ending. A structural change to the department meant new, more attentive management. I may or may not get promoted under this new regime. I’ve for sure got a better chance. But the moral of the story is that mindfulness helped me to be patient through a situation that may have come to an end, or may not have. 

Ambition is tricky. How do you balance wanting more, without allowing that desire cause you to suffer? Letting go of the desire is one answer, and appreciating all that you have already, right now, whether you get promoted or recognized, or not. You can make a plan, and then let it go – resolve to be content whether you move forward, or stay right here. Cultivating fulfillment in all there is to enjoy about my work worked for me. When I let go of the obsession that I “should” have gotten promoted, I was able to let life unfold as it really should. You can do what’s in your power to do, then relax – because, as the Buddha says, everything is exactly as it should be.